Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Three More Anti-important Lists

Remarks Rarely Uttered
I was, up until fairly recently, a rabbit.
Your Honor, I insist upon having one of the months named after me.
That was a fun swim in the lava.
Does anybody want this medical waste?
This grapefruit should be our king.
Coffee, tea, or three troubled astronauts taking liberties with a dead alligator on a bus?
I toured the hottest nightclubs of Tibet.
I'm still angry about the meteor that killed the dinosaurs.

Ineffectual Superheroes
The Walker
Captain Hesitation
Mr. Maybe
Queen What’s-On-T-V
Dr. Mopwater
Quaalude Bob Again

eBay Items of Dubious Value
Penny On Which Lincoln Somewhat Resembles the Virgin Mary
Fingernail of the Buddha in Pez Reliquary
72 Minute CD of the Buzzing Sound from the Game “Operation”
Paper Bag Containing 13 VHS Copies of “Rocky III” and a Lint Roller
Two Pictures of Meat, Torn Out of a Magazine and Glued Onto a Broken Clock
Plastic Dagger Allegedly Owned By Elvis' Cousin's Boss
Small Heap of Rice on a Glue Trap (no reserve)
RARE: Unopened Bag of Chips-A-Hoy, Circa 1989
Captain and Tennille 8-Track, Some Fire Damage, Otherwise Perfect
Film rights to the New Hampshire Tax Code

1 comment:

  1. Superuseless Superpower: super strength while sleeping.

    Superuseless Superpower: the healing punch.

    Superuseless Superpower: x-ray vision only while in total darkness.

    Superuseless Superpower: In-flight flight. The ability to fly, but only within the confines of an airplane.


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